Much to deliberate...

It's been awhile, and a lot has happened, but before i say anything, I've got to say that I fucking love everybody(most everybody) in this town, and many outside of this town. Excuse the strong language, it's just, I feel strongly about most people. I feel closer to everybody that I have known since this whole ordeal. I have seen people that I haven't seen in years and I couldn't be happier to have all these people in my life. Not working for the next year sucks, but it's giving me more time to spend with people I love, and that is awesome.

Last time you heard from me I was just getting out of the hospital. That was 40 of the longest days I have ever experienced. I've been out for about 2 weeks now and it has seemed like 2 days. It sucks how fast it is going by, but I'm enjoying every second of it. The weather has been damn near perfect just about every day I have been back. Getting on a bike for the first time in 2 months was great, did a 2.5 hour ride the other day. Getting winded quickly, but I've got to make up for lost muscle mass. A couple of days after I was released we had the marrow donor drive downtown, and the turnout was HUUUGE. At a normal drive, about 100 people show up, and they usually get around 30 people in the registry. They have to turn people away on account of certain health issues, not allowing them to donate. At our drive, 1000 people showed up and we got around 300 in the registry. I couldn't believe it. I saw all sorts of people I have known all my life, some i just met recently, and many I have never known but put everything they could into helping out. Many members from Cornerstone church helped set up the drive and I couldn't be more thankful to all these awesome folks. I need to send thanks out to so many people for that day, everybody did their part to help things go smoothly. So, if you don't hear from me, I'm sorry and THANK YOU!

Anyway, when I was released I was told I would be out for 4-5 weeks, and come back for about a month, whether it be for the transplant (if they had a match) or for another round of chemotherapy (because I can't go too long without treatment or the leukemia cells will start to grow and it could be dangerous for me). Anyway, I have gone to clinic at UCSF a couple times since I was released to draw blood and such, talk to doctors about the plan and whatnot, and I was there yesterday, 2 weeks after discharge, to get another bone marrow biopsy (my 4th one so far) where they test my bone marrow and chip off a piece of bone with this big ass corkscrew looking needle thing to see where the leukemia is at. When I was discharged the Leukemia was at about 7%, which isn't quite considered remission, but damn close. When they drew my blood last week, I guess the doc found some funny looking cells in the circulating blood, which were most likely leukemia cells, and he was worried by this, so when I went in for the biopsy yesterday, I was told some pretty scary news. He told me that because he saw those cells he wanted me to start another chemo treatment the next day.. TODAY, 2 WEEKS AFTER I JUST GOT OUT!!! when I was told I would be out for a month. He told me there was 2 options, and it depended on the results of the biopsy. If the biopsy showed over 20% leukemia, I would have to come in the next day, and stay for another month for more high-dose chemo. not an ideal situation at all. If it showed under 20% he wanted to do an outpatient low-dose chemo, which is a 5 day treatment, no overnight stays, a visit everyday for 5 days and it is not as harsh on my body, no bad side effects. so it was 2 huge extremes and I was real worried all day. The doctor ended up calling me late yesterday afternoon and said... the biopsy showed 7% still. huge relief. I have another month of freedom. also, more good news. they have a match. multiple matches. Because they have so many matches they are being picky and getting the absolute perfect match. I will most likely go in for transplant late june. I am so happy at all the news lately, I don't know how to show or explain it. Speechless, mostly.

So with all this good news, I am trying to spend my valuable time out of the hospital doing anything and everything that is fun, enjoying people I love, the outdoors/nature, and being happy at any cost. Since I have been out everything smells/tastes/is better. If I learned anything since all of this it is to not waste any time being unhappy and do only what makes you feel good. There are some things I need to do to work on this new found philosophy of mine, but it's goin. If you're reading this, I'd most likely enjoy getting lunch or something else fun with you while I'm out, so call me. To mostly everyone: I love you.

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" -Dr. Suess

the end of an era

I'm comin home today. 40 days. We did a bone marrow biopsy and it came back as 7% Leukemia cells which is a significant difference than last time, and fantastic news. It's not considered remission, but damn close. I believe the next step, if they have a match soon enough, is to jump straight into transplant, hopefully in June. I have an appointment with the doc on friday to discuss the next step, so we'll see. I have been eating real food for the past week since my blood counts have been up, and it has made the last week go by much faster, and much tastier. I am just waiting to get a port line put in my chest, and the picc line taken out of my arm. the port will be a direct line that goes right over my heart, so they can access that whenever i need medicine, or anything else. apparantly I wont have anyhing outside of the skin, it will be like a lego size deal under my skin that they will poke into when i need to get meds, which is totally wierd, but it's better than having these wacky cords hanging from me. I dont have much else to say other than I'm ready to bail out of this place. I will be back in town tonight sometime. Can't wait to see everybody.